#GrowlingMonster

I absolutely LOVE being woken up at 4am by a "Growling Monster" standing at the end of my bed! and by growling monster i mean my ready-to-play toddler!! I'm pretty sure this is pay back for everything i did to my brothers as kids!

#‎GoPutThatBackAndCloseTheFridgeAllTheWayPlease‬!!!

"I'm not cutting you a piece of salami with a butter knife, while I'm in the shower son!"  I've opened a string cheese, a bag of chips, put his shoes on the right feet and even fixed his gun all while I was in the shower! But I draw the line at cutting a piece of Salami with a f***ing butta knife while showering!!

#‎DirtBike‬ ‪#‎StartUmYoung‬!

#SleepIsWhatIWantForChristmas

Every year, for the last 3 years, when asked "what do you want for Christmas?" My answer hasn't changed. A full night of sleep, a hot meal of MY choice (Mac N cheese and BeefOroni isn't a meal!), a shower using adult soap (Sponge Bob doesnt count) and to walk through my house without having to make a path due to action figures, Legos and chewed up Fruit Snacks or Gold Fishes!!

#PriortiesMom

I just don't understand how these moms of small children find the time to post multiple selfies with full-on hair and makeup.  I feel super privileged when I get to piss in private!

#ScaredOfSanta

He wouldn't even tell Santa that he wants a new "Smoke pipe" (exhaust for his motorcycle) for Christmas!!

#CountryLiving #SingleGirl

Well... Just became a lil closer to my garbage men (Yes, men, as in two of them) Tried beating um this AM wearing only an oversized Tshirt, furry socks ooh and of course granny panties. ‪